the sick mind

the last time i went to a hospital to visit my sick lola, i ended up confined on the same room with her, on counts of mild pneumonia, severe asthma, influenza, and mild tuberculosis. and two weeks after lola was released, i was still there. i was a grade 3 student back then, missing at least 15 school days and a field trip. worse, from then on, the cute, chubby kid that i was started dying, and gave birth to the sickly, thin figure that i am now.

a week ago, and eight years later, lola was sick again. last time it was about kidney stones, this time diabetes. 'twas a good thing one of her daughters (a tita of mine) worked before at the philippine heart center, so she was rushed there without worrying about how hard it would be to get a decent room for her (not an establishment on earth is free of politics, i believe). so there she was again.

and today, i was tasked to bring some home cooking to her. memories of almost a decade ago were triggered, recalled, even primed. but i assured myself, oh, but my mom is there.

but then, she was also there, eight years ago.

anyway, i had no choice. and besides, depending on announcements regarding class suspensions, i just might have to do it again the next day, and the next, and the next... so i better get used to it.

nearly an hour later, i had arrived, towing two tupperwares-full of sinigang na bangus and rice with me into an elevator, went up four floors as the guard instructed me back down at the lobby (felisa limpin? room 443c, petal d po, ayun po yung elevator), and started on the series of corridors up a head.

suddenly, my body went chill, as i haply sniffed out some murky, unpleasant odor. of course, it was just air conditioning and the usual clean banyo smell always present within hospital confines, but my system reacted to it violently, at least for a few moments.

i got there alive. lola was stationed right at the left wing of three separate cubicles only separated by dividers, privacy only provided by curtains. she was half-asleep on her bed, iv tubings pierced on the veins of her wrist, the lights dim; then i saw my mom, who looked like she didn't have any sleep, watchfully sitting on a thin bench beside the bed. i set my pasalubong on a nearby table, then sat down beside my mom.

that was when i noticed: my hands were dry and shivering. my lungs were starting to constrict, my every breath strained with wheezing. then, as if preordained by time, an unused electronic thermometer, hiding in one of the drawers, took my gaze. it was still boxed, but the gadget manual was sticking out. i pulled it out, unfolded it, and started reading.

press the button to turn on/off. when 37.0C appears on the digital screen, it is ready to take measurements. for oral or rectal temperatures, one minute; for axilliary temperatures, 2-3 minutes. a slow beeping rhythm means that the temperature is within non-fever range (<37.8c);>

axilliary means armpits, eh? so i turned the thing on, waited for the said beeps... and they came. however, rapidly. i comprehended the digits as 3-9-0, then took the manual again, trying not to believe at the device. yet there was nothing wrong with the thermometer.

that was the last straw. "mama, uuwi na po ako."

i was 15 minutes and a jeep away from home when i learned that classes were suspended around midday due to supertyphoon egay. however, the sun was lurking over the clouds. i basked in that patch of sunlight, thanking each drop of saltwater coming out of my pores. the sun is a lovely thing to behold, i thought.

right after that thought, a raindrop fell from the heavens. the chill returned, but now it took more effort to breathe. seven followed, then tens, then dozens. and i was still fifteen minutes away from home. the wind was harsh, the storm relentless, i, drenched, stuck, in pain, and without an umbrella.

a jeep finally came. i half-ran, half-wobbled into the vehicle, found a quarter of a seat, nearly sat on an elderly woman beside the spot, squeezed my lean frame in, but i was falling. before all went black, i heard someone screaming.

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"gabo, gising! mamayang hapon pa klase mo diba? daanan mo ng pagkain si lola sa heart center, mamayang mga alas-onse."

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a few notes:

1. saw a replay of the ust-dlsu 2nd round match earlier. sharon yu (dlsu) wasn't wearing glasses, and i thought she looked horrible. diane querrer... duling yata siya?
2. i don't remember mentioning my younger sib taking the upcat. i'll be passing his admu application form tomorrow. (perhaps i'll see you, miles? and bring along the others too, if you please? teehee.)
3. state u was supposed to lose to uste today. supertyphoon egay didn't want that, but it wanted us to get our 9th loss against our friends in katipunan. not much of a difference, hmm?
4. honestly, i miss having classes. even if it means the destruction of my two eyes, a severe headache and tons of stress. but then, the government bogeymen say wait until 11 pm tonight. sheesh.