Logically random.

random chaos eventually molds into perfect logic - anonymous

two days ago i opened my own Multiply account, mainly so that i have access to others' pictures and whatnot, but otherwise it's virtually empty. what caught my attention, however, was Mutiply's conception of a network, something i haven't seen anywhere else yet. it distinguishes a friend from a colleague, neighbor, life partner, family, and business partner. so american, pretty much like my attempt at eenglisch. funnily, however, it's the latest fad, even in the confines of the Filipino context, which is good proof of the existence of neo-colonialism. hmmm.

i sent my first five drafts to my employer-slash-benefactor today. if everything goes well, i get paid; but if there's even one typographical or grammatical error that i overlooked or was unaware of... my pay gets cut in half. and my full pay goes at Php400 per 1000-word set, which is more or less cheap labor, given the quality of write-ups that they expect... but here's hoping that i get a bonus for passing my drafts three days ahead of schedule. (heh!)

ahh, that's all thanks to this damned rain. i planned to play tennis or jog in UP today. worse, weatherpeople are hinting 'typhoons' as of presstime. (lesson learned: sembreak + rain = stagnation) so i planned to please myself by watching Prison Break's season 3, but video streaming sites deleted them all (i can clearly imagine hearing one atenean friend of mine - copyright issues? CHE!!!). same went for Heroes, and i don't want to download videos yet, i fear that something might go wrong...

which reminds me of something that actually went wrong: 1st Semester, AY '07-'08. you see, Geog 1 and 1.25 don't sound like they fit to be next to each other, right? then there's that German 11 choke - i had to take a final exam! heck. and i'm not talking about my majors yet!

anyway, enough of that. tell you what: don't mess with ol' Grampy Time. you'll end a loser - i adjusted all our house, mobile, and computer clocks to half an hour advanced; same with all the personal wrist watches. this morning i was supposed to pay some bills for my dad in the bank; me, being the ultimate procrastinator, completely forgot all about it until 2:30 pm, when he called to ask me about the payments. i lied to him, then after the call ended, i rushed to the nearest bank, which was a half-hour away from the house. banks close at 3:00 pm sharp; when i arrived there, i learned that it was just 2:00 pm... and that i was a big sucker.

with that all said, i'm off to play 3D ping pong. auf wiedersehen!

Sembreak

in response to your having limited experience with life in general, it is, alas, a truism that all writers have to deal with. either you're in front of that desktop writing, or you're out there having experiences. since you both want to write and have experiences, you'll have to do more with less - and that is practically the essence of writing.

this, a paraphrased quote from the movie Ask the Dust, hit a bulls-eye smack into my soul.

and so, hello again, bloggy. this time i offer no excuses for my negligence, as it was my choice to supposedly allot time for this site's maintenance. please accept, for the umpteenth time if you can even remember, my apologies.

anyway, sembreak - the three-week gap between your last exam or project and the registration period, the grace period before another nerve-wracking and physically demanding term, the days when daily allowance is nil, the age when ennui rules over its dominion of students - is here.

i don't want this break to be wasted; it's too precious and rare to be taken for granted. thus i laid out my agenda 4 an UPbeat 4th sem:

plump up the previous term was a flame short of hell, and i felt that i took a toll on my once-improving stature. now's the time to sleep early, rise late, and eat plenty.
tennisUP ahh, yes. my newfound love will not waver even if we're three jeeps apart. final rites are just lurking around the corner, my dear co-apps.
write-ups it's this simple: i need cash, and a peso for every word ain't that bad, i'd say. the job's to inject some sense into it, right sirs and ma'ams?
cheer up! definitely not the time to smart a frown - i have at least 5 more semesters for that. so show me some love and that cheeky, toothy, contagious smile!

the title sounds like one of those promising yet currently stagnating SONA platforms that our dear President promotes year by year. here's hoping that mine doesn't turn out likewise. lady luck doesn't seem to be that lenient towards me, though - earlier this afternoon my youngest bro whacked my right index finger with a badminton racquet, albeit accidentally.

with that said, i fly off to bed. *swoosh...*

Dr. Juan Dela Cruz, RN

sabi nila, ang kinabukasan daw ng isang tao ay nagsisimula sa kanyang mga panaginip at pangarap sa nakaraan.

kung gayon nga, isang panaginip lamang ang mananatili sa aking gunita, pagkat isang pangarap lang rin ang tinatanaw ko sa hinaharap...

mama! papa! kagabi, nanaginip ako, naglalakad ako sa isang ospital,
nakaputi, nakasalamin, tapos merong nakasabit na goma dun sa leeg ko, yung
ginagamit para pakinggan yung heart...
aba, gabo, doktor ka sa panaginip mo?
opo! kasi gusto ko rin talagang magdoktor!
naks, para ka palang si Rizal!

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puting kay liwanag, kay linis mula kuwelyo hanggang sakong. antiparang singkapal ng mga librong namasid at naintindihan. stethoscope na tila palamuting medalyon na ipinagbunyi na sa maraming lugar, sa mahabang panahon. panis ang angas sa respeto't pagpapakumbaba, ika nga ni blanco. ganun na lang sila dapat tingalain at hangaan.

tsaka hindi birong makumpara kay Dr. Rizal, pambansang bayani at doktor, kahit sa titulo lamang (singit ko lang, natuto akong magbasa nung dalawa't kalahating taong gulang pa lang ako, encyclopaedia britannica yung mga hilig ko nun. tapos type ko rin yung katsupoy style dati. pwede na ba?). kung tingin mo mahirap sumunod sa mga yapak nina Bonifacio, Jacinto, Del Pilar, at Mabini, medyo mas madali nang kaunti dun yung mag-aral ng sampung taon.

at oo nga pala, tinutulungan nila yung mga taong may sakit. ngunit naroon pa rin ba yung nararapat na pagpupugay natin sa kanila sa kasalukuyan, sa propesyon o sa manggagamot? bago natin kilatisin, kaunting trivia:

una, ilang mamayang Pilipino ang dapat na naka-toka sa isang doktor, kung ipagpapalagay natin na ang bawat Pinoy ay talagang may karapatan nga sa isang matiwasay at malusog na pamumuhay? sagot: higit sa 8,000 Pinoy.

ikalawa, kung ang kasalukuyang populasyon ng Pilipinas ay tinatayang nasa 85 milyon katao, ilang doktor ang tinatayang naririto sa 'Pinas ngayon? sagot: higit sa 11,000 na doktor

ikatlo, ilang Pilipinong doktor ang nangibang-bansa na ngayong 2007? sagot: higit sa 2,500

ika-apat, magkano ang inilalaan ng gobyerno para sa pag-aaruga sa kalusugan ng isang Pilipino? sagot: maliit pa sa sampung sentimo.

at ika-lima, magkano ang suweldo ng isang doktor sa Pilipinas kada buwan? ng isang nars sa labas ng Pilipinas? sagot: 35,000-50,000 piso; 4,000 US dolyar (200,000 piso) pataas.

ngayong nabanggit ko na lahat ng iyan, ano pang dapat halungkatin?

isipin niyo si juan/a dela cruz, nagmumuni-muni ukol sa kanyang kinabukasan: "bakit pa ako tutuloy sa medisina, mag-aaral ng sampung taon, mabubulok sa bansang medyo bulok na? eh kung magnanars na lang ako, apat na taon lang, easy money na, makakalabas pa ako ng bansa,
makakapag-asawa pa ako ng arabo o amerikano!" o diba, si Pinoy, dapat praktikal, tuso, wais! at di mo nga naman sila masisisi sa hangaring makamit ang isang mahalimuyak na bukas... sa labas ng 'Pinas.

eh pano yung mga nagtapos na ng medisina sa PGH, sa USTe, sa Medical City? pano kung gusto rin nilang lumuwas ng bansa, at doon na rin ipagpatuloy ang kanyang propesyon? mas mataas naman ang kita ng doktor sa nars diba? kaso sabi ng mga banyaga, yung mga Pinoy at Pinay, banban yung mga nagturo diyan eh, yung mga kaalaman nila, pang-nars lang dito. kung gusto nila, mag-aral muna sila dito, tapos mag-nurse siya, tsaka siya magdoktor.

nakakatamad nga namang mag-aral pa ulit, tsaka mabigat sa kalooban yun - parang sinabihan silang basura lang yung sampung taong iginugol nila para makarating sa kung nasaan sila ngayon, kasi sobrang taas daw ng mga pamantayan ng mga alien, este, foreigners. at totoong nangyayari ito.

pero teka - hindi sa minamaliit o isinasantabi ko ang kakayahan ng ating mga nars - sila ay kritikal na bahagi ng mga programang pangkalusugan sa kahit saang bayan. gayon din ang doktor, at iba pang mga tao tulad ng mga magsasaka, sari-sari store bantay, barbero, accountant, lawyer, guro, seaman, construction worker, drayber, at caregiver na sumusustento sa kani-kanilang mga pamilya sa Perlas ng Silangan, sila ma'y nasa loob o labas nito.

ngunit diba kay saklap nun, na mawalay sa iyong pamilya dahil iyon na lamang ang tanging paraan, dahil hindi na nabura ang kakapirasong interest sa utang ng Pilipinas, dahil hindi ka na matulungan ng pamahalaan niyo, dahil kailangan. pampalubag-loob na lang siguro para sayo kung makakasabit paluwas yung pamilya mo.

lahat na lang na may bakas ng pagka-Pinoy, naabuso na ng iba - yamang natural, teritoryo, sining, edukasyon, pamahalaan. ngayon, hinayaan na rin nating pati ang pangunahing likas na yaman ng Pilipino, ang mga tao nito, na mahakot na rin ng iba. nakakainis, nakakalungkot, nagaganap.

ani isang kolumnista (si de Quiros yata?) sa isang kilalang pahayagan, "if OFWs are our heroes, what about those who chose to stay, martyrs?"

sabi naman dati ng kaibigan ko, gab, ang martir mo talaga. kahit na ibang klaseng pagkamartir yung tinutukoy niya noon, kakaririn ko na rin, pre-med naman ang course ko eh. tsaka balita ko, yung idol kong si Dr. Rizal, martir din.

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sanggunian: ilang mga alaala sa economics class nung 4th year high school, hiraya blogsite, isang revised paper ng batchmate ko, kule, at ang aking mga panaginip at pangarap.

=======

5 years ago, sinurvey kaming magpipinsan ng lolo namin patungkol sa mga propesyong gusto naming tahakin pagdating ng panahon. syempre ang gaganda ng mga sagot namin, doktor, sundalo, bombero, pulis, guro, abogado, at kung anu-ano pa. pero pinakamalupit talaga yung sagot ng bunso kong kapatid...

lolo: eh ikaw, joshua, paglaki mo magiging ano ka?
joshua: eh di malaki na po ako!

hay, ang sarap maging bata.

sunday stumper

after two weeks of interrupted classes and inclement weather, four straight days seem to be an unprecedented feat, with added bonus in the return of the previous weather patterns of morning sun and afternoon rains.

but even as the storms have drawn away, the fighting maroons are still in shambles, dismantled by the green archers 61-89. according to my younger brother it was 69-81, but i happened to realize that he was just trying to raise any hopes that i had left for the team. well, honestly, i'd be happy for even if they managed to lose just by a dozen, i'd be saying that the effort is there, i'd be lauding their desire to stay in the game, and all that against a clear-cut final four entry... although maybe there's next year for that.

anyway, i've had a series of mood swings lately. one day i feel that extra bounce, extra hop in my every step, like a child waiting for his candy rations; the next day my entirety's not even interested in budging an inch, and the day after my nerves go haywire, utterly confused with the inconsistencies.

tennis training resumed last wednesday, also affected by that virtual and cold three-week cold. faulty jitters were abundant, but somehow i was confident with my strokes, and it showed - more control, more power, less errors. meanwhile, i realized that i were only two days away from getting my eyeglasses back, thus making me assume that things can only get better.

the saturday that followed was disastrous. i did get my glasses back, i saw the ball better, but my play was a far cry from wednesday's, and that was when i was fortunate enough to slight the ball. pity it had to happen on a day when sky and wind conditions were tennis ideals.

coincidentally, my swings were better when i removed the specs. later in the day, i accidentally left them [glasses] at a friend's place. a sign that fate wants me to part ways with my spectacled past? loads of crap, but even the best poor-sighted athletes rarely use their visual aids during play. i ought to learn from them.

putting things in perspective, i lost 7 pounds (reduced food intake) and P1.5K for that newly-refracted, silver-rimmed pair. i will definitely not sleep with them on.

caught up... barely.

(last of a 3-series special)

i'm *cough* dead *sneeze* sick *faint*. lately i've been snacking on caps and tabs like they were popcorn, hoping that drinking water encourages a placebo effect, and experiencing early morning asthma attacks twice its normal occurence rate. and ever since i accidentally slept on my eyeglasses, i've had five days worth of sore eyes (and nearly a long exam), a very strained left eye and a virtually helpless right, deep-set eyes being showcased to everyone, and not a day without eye-mo, as my eyes seem to be waiting for just one big kamot before all turns red.

all these, plus the irregular weather, the slew of national holidays, a glaring lack in extra-curricular activities, the absence of friends and usual companions, and mental pressures led to a school life burnout, wherein everything seems to be tiring and/or boring. imagine: i have 12 units worth on mondays and thursdays, and those are the days when either a professor called sick or classes are off by chance. i mean, what are the odds?

my dad would tell me half-jokingly that it's all in the head. i hope he's right.

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three incentive papers.
two film showings.
a quiz, a practical, an exam, tons of readings.
15 hours community service. 0 hours completed.
a prospective cssp reg assistant.
19 units next semester, including two 5-unit courses.
2.5k pesos of expenditures before the end of this month.
borderline balance in my atm.
another UP loss.
two months before their application process ends.
a still empty, partially crumpled tennisUP sigsheet.
muscle pains and slight weight loss.
a need for inspiration.
nostalgic dreams.
a dismissing smirk.
a cheery smile.

p.s. happy birthday to everyone who had birthdays from june to tomorrow. dami nyo eh.
p.s.s. jessica zafra rules. jessica alba is hot.
p.s.s.s. errata: sorry for raising your hopes a bit too early, UP fans. the writer was referring to preseason performances. but they'll do great nonetheless.