My ten grains' worth

earlier this day i brought josh (the bunso) with me to UP to do a few rounds around the academic oval. to facilitate his "jogging," i set the pace for him by brisk-walking a bit. however, the boy slowed down after a quarter-length, and by the halfway mark he was looking for a shortcut. well, at least he made it to three-quarters...

then we went to the tennis courts and waited for tim and ronald. that was when a text message informed me that no one will be bringing tennis balls along. good thing the club had some, and let us borrow them (heck, tennis without balls? that's frustrating).

josh was hilarious - his memory storage is limitless, much to the demise of his kuya; tim and ronald just kept on feeding him with the latest chismis about kuya gab, most of which even i am not aware of (i prefer not to disclose them here). but i had fun, and in the end, that was all that mattered. maybe i should bring him there again sometime else.

anyway, here's a nice site which i had knowledge of through mica, a vocabulary quiz formulated by the United Nations World Food Program; every answer you get correctly donates 10 grains of rice to the UN "to help end world hunger."

ten grains is almost negligible, see, but a hundred grains fills up only a fraction of the standard size cup. i tried counting and got up to five, maybe six hundred - but even that much was not able to account for a half-cup. they've collected a grand total 420 million grains as of yesterday; how many sacks would that make?

it's not enough to feed more than 85% of the world, but it's a good avenue to do your part in achieving the dream of eradicating poverty. hmmmm.

Logically random.

random chaos eventually molds into perfect logic - anonymous

two days ago i opened my own Multiply account, mainly so that i have access to others' pictures and whatnot, but otherwise it's virtually empty. what caught my attention, however, was Mutiply's conception of a network, something i haven't seen anywhere else yet. it distinguishes a friend from a colleague, neighbor, life partner, family, and business partner. so american, pretty much like my attempt at eenglisch. funnily, however, it's the latest fad, even in the confines of the Filipino context, which is good proof of the existence of neo-colonialism. hmmm.

i sent my first five drafts to my employer-slash-benefactor today. if everything goes well, i get paid; but if there's even one typographical or grammatical error that i overlooked or was unaware of... my pay gets cut in half. and my full pay goes at Php400 per 1000-word set, which is more or less cheap labor, given the quality of write-ups that they expect... but here's hoping that i get a bonus for passing my drafts three days ahead of schedule. (heh!)

ahh, that's all thanks to this damned rain. i planned to play tennis or jog in UP today. worse, weatherpeople are hinting 'typhoons' as of presstime. (lesson learned: sembreak + rain = stagnation) so i planned to please myself by watching Prison Break's season 3, but video streaming sites deleted them all (i can clearly imagine hearing one atenean friend of mine - copyright issues? CHE!!!). same went for Heroes, and i don't want to download videos yet, i fear that something might go wrong...

which reminds me of something that actually went wrong: 1st Semester, AY '07-'08. you see, Geog 1 and 1.25 don't sound like they fit to be next to each other, right? then there's that German 11 choke - i had to take a final exam! heck. and i'm not talking about my majors yet!

anyway, enough of that. tell you what: don't mess with ol' Grampy Time. you'll end a loser - i adjusted all our house, mobile, and computer clocks to half an hour advanced; same with all the personal wrist watches. this morning i was supposed to pay some bills for my dad in the bank; me, being the ultimate procrastinator, completely forgot all about it until 2:30 pm, when he called to ask me about the payments. i lied to him, then after the call ended, i rushed to the nearest bank, which was a half-hour away from the house. banks close at 3:00 pm sharp; when i arrived there, i learned that it was just 2:00 pm... and that i was a big sucker.

with that all said, i'm off to play 3D ping pong. auf wiedersehen!

Dr. Juan Dela Cruz, RN

sabi nila, ang kinabukasan daw ng isang tao ay nagsisimula sa kanyang mga panaginip at pangarap sa nakaraan.

kung gayon nga, isang panaginip lamang ang mananatili sa aking gunita, pagkat isang pangarap lang rin ang tinatanaw ko sa hinaharap...

mama! papa! kagabi, nanaginip ako, naglalakad ako sa isang ospital,
nakaputi, nakasalamin, tapos merong nakasabit na goma dun sa leeg ko, yung
ginagamit para pakinggan yung heart...
aba, gabo, doktor ka sa panaginip mo?
opo! kasi gusto ko rin talagang magdoktor!
naks, para ka palang si Rizal!

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puting kay liwanag, kay linis mula kuwelyo hanggang sakong. antiparang singkapal ng mga librong namasid at naintindihan. stethoscope na tila palamuting medalyon na ipinagbunyi na sa maraming lugar, sa mahabang panahon. panis ang angas sa respeto't pagpapakumbaba, ika nga ni blanco. ganun na lang sila dapat tingalain at hangaan.

tsaka hindi birong makumpara kay Dr. Rizal, pambansang bayani at doktor, kahit sa titulo lamang (singit ko lang, natuto akong magbasa nung dalawa't kalahating taong gulang pa lang ako, encyclopaedia britannica yung mga hilig ko nun. tapos type ko rin yung katsupoy style dati. pwede na ba?). kung tingin mo mahirap sumunod sa mga yapak nina Bonifacio, Jacinto, Del Pilar, at Mabini, medyo mas madali nang kaunti dun yung mag-aral ng sampung taon.

at oo nga pala, tinutulungan nila yung mga taong may sakit. ngunit naroon pa rin ba yung nararapat na pagpupugay natin sa kanila sa kasalukuyan, sa propesyon o sa manggagamot? bago natin kilatisin, kaunting trivia:

una, ilang mamayang Pilipino ang dapat na naka-toka sa isang doktor, kung ipagpapalagay natin na ang bawat Pinoy ay talagang may karapatan nga sa isang matiwasay at malusog na pamumuhay? sagot: higit sa 8,000 Pinoy.

ikalawa, kung ang kasalukuyang populasyon ng Pilipinas ay tinatayang nasa 85 milyon katao, ilang doktor ang tinatayang naririto sa 'Pinas ngayon? sagot: higit sa 11,000 na doktor

ikatlo, ilang Pilipinong doktor ang nangibang-bansa na ngayong 2007? sagot: higit sa 2,500

ika-apat, magkano ang inilalaan ng gobyerno para sa pag-aaruga sa kalusugan ng isang Pilipino? sagot: maliit pa sa sampung sentimo.

at ika-lima, magkano ang suweldo ng isang doktor sa Pilipinas kada buwan? ng isang nars sa labas ng Pilipinas? sagot: 35,000-50,000 piso; 4,000 US dolyar (200,000 piso) pataas.

ngayong nabanggit ko na lahat ng iyan, ano pang dapat halungkatin?

isipin niyo si juan/a dela cruz, nagmumuni-muni ukol sa kanyang kinabukasan: "bakit pa ako tutuloy sa medisina, mag-aaral ng sampung taon, mabubulok sa bansang medyo bulok na? eh kung magnanars na lang ako, apat na taon lang, easy money na, makakalabas pa ako ng bansa,
makakapag-asawa pa ako ng arabo o amerikano!" o diba, si Pinoy, dapat praktikal, tuso, wais! at di mo nga naman sila masisisi sa hangaring makamit ang isang mahalimuyak na bukas... sa labas ng 'Pinas.

eh pano yung mga nagtapos na ng medisina sa PGH, sa USTe, sa Medical City? pano kung gusto rin nilang lumuwas ng bansa, at doon na rin ipagpatuloy ang kanyang propesyon? mas mataas naman ang kita ng doktor sa nars diba? kaso sabi ng mga banyaga, yung mga Pinoy at Pinay, banban yung mga nagturo diyan eh, yung mga kaalaman nila, pang-nars lang dito. kung gusto nila, mag-aral muna sila dito, tapos mag-nurse siya, tsaka siya magdoktor.

nakakatamad nga namang mag-aral pa ulit, tsaka mabigat sa kalooban yun - parang sinabihan silang basura lang yung sampung taong iginugol nila para makarating sa kung nasaan sila ngayon, kasi sobrang taas daw ng mga pamantayan ng mga alien, este, foreigners. at totoong nangyayari ito.

pero teka - hindi sa minamaliit o isinasantabi ko ang kakayahan ng ating mga nars - sila ay kritikal na bahagi ng mga programang pangkalusugan sa kahit saang bayan. gayon din ang doktor, at iba pang mga tao tulad ng mga magsasaka, sari-sari store bantay, barbero, accountant, lawyer, guro, seaman, construction worker, drayber, at caregiver na sumusustento sa kani-kanilang mga pamilya sa Perlas ng Silangan, sila ma'y nasa loob o labas nito.

ngunit diba kay saklap nun, na mawalay sa iyong pamilya dahil iyon na lamang ang tanging paraan, dahil hindi na nabura ang kakapirasong interest sa utang ng Pilipinas, dahil hindi ka na matulungan ng pamahalaan niyo, dahil kailangan. pampalubag-loob na lang siguro para sayo kung makakasabit paluwas yung pamilya mo.

lahat na lang na may bakas ng pagka-Pinoy, naabuso na ng iba - yamang natural, teritoryo, sining, edukasyon, pamahalaan. ngayon, hinayaan na rin nating pati ang pangunahing likas na yaman ng Pilipino, ang mga tao nito, na mahakot na rin ng iba. nakakainis, nakakalungkot, nagaganap.

ani isang kolumnista (si de Quiros yata?) sa isang kilalang pahayagan, "if OFWs are our heroes, what about those who chose to stay, martyrs?"

sabi naman dati ng kaibigan ko, gab, ang martir mo talaga. kahit na ibang klaseng pagkamartir yung tinutukoy niya noon, kakaririn ko na rin, pre-med naman ang course ko eh. tsaka balita ko, yung idol kong si Dr. Rizal, martir din.

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sanggunian: ilang mga alaala sa economics class nung 4th year high school, hiraya blogsite, isang revised paper ng batchmate ko, kule, at ang aking mga panaginip at pangarap.

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5 years ago, sinurvey kaming magpipinsan ng lolo namin patungkol sa mga propesyong gusto naming tahakin pagdating ng panahon. syempre ang gaganda ng mga sagot namin, doktor, sundalo, bombero, pulis, guro, abogado, at kung anu-ano pa. pero pinakamalupit talaga yung sagot ng bunso kong kapatid...

lolo: eh ikaw, joshua, paglaki mo magiging ano ka?
joshua: eh di malaki na po ako!

hay, ang sarap maging bata.

the sick mind

the last time i went to a hospital to visit my sick lola, i ended up confined on the same room with her, on counts of mild pneumonia, severe asthma, influenza, and mild tuberculosis. and two weeks after lola was released, i was still there. i was a grade 3 student back then, missing at least 15 school days and a field trip. worse, from then on, the cute, chubby kid that i was started dying, and gave birth to the sickly, thin figure that i am now.

a week ago, and eight years later, lola was sick again. last time it was about kidney stones, this time diabetes. 'twas a good thing one of her daughters (a tita of mine) worked before at the philippine heart center, so she was rushed there without worrying about how hard it would be to get a decent room for her (not an establishment on earth is free of politics, i believe). so there she was again.

and today, i was tasked to bring some home cooking to her. memories of almost a decade ago were triggered, recalled, even primed. but i assured myself, oh, but my mom is there.

but then, she was also there, eight years ago.

anyway, i had no choice. and besides, depending on announcements regarding class suspensions, i just might have to do it again the next day, and the next, and the next... so i better get used to it.

nearly an hour later, i had arrived, towing two tupperwares-full of sinigang na bangus and rice with me into an elevator, went up four floors as the guard instructed me back down at the lobby (felisa limpin? room 443c, petal d po, ayun po yung elevator), and started on the series of corridors up a head.

suddenly, my body went chill, as i haply sniffed out some murky, unpleasant odor. of course, it was just air conditioning and the usual clean banyo smell always present within hospital confines, but my system reacted to it violently, at least for a few moments.

i got there alive. lola was stationed right at the left wing of three separate cubicles only separated by dividers, privacy only provided by curtains. she was half-asleep on her bed, iv tubings pierced on the veins of her wrist, the lights dim; then i saw my mom, who looked like she didn't have any sleep, watchfully sitting on a thin bench beside the bed. i set my pasalubong on a nearby table, then sat down beside my mom.

that was when i noticed: my hands were dry and shivering. my lungs were starting to constrict, my every breath strained with wheezing. then, as if preordained by time, an unused electronic thermometer, hiding in one of the drawers, took my gaze. it was still boxed, but the gadget manual was sticking out. i pulled it out, unfolded it, and started reading.

press the button to turn on/off. when 37.0C appears on the digital screen, it is ready to take measurements. for oral or rectal temperatures, one minute; for axilliary temperatures, 2-3 minutes. a slow beeping rhythm means that the temperature is within non-fever range (<37.8c);>

axilliary means armpits, eh? so i turned the thing on, waited for the said beeps... and they came. however, rapidly. i comprehended the digits as 3-9-0, then took the manual again, trying not to believe at the device. yet there was nothing wrong with the thermometer.

that was the last straw. "mama, uuwi na po ako."

i was 15 minutes and a jeep away from home when i learned that classes were suspended around midday due to supertyphoon egay. however, the sun was lurking over the clouds. i basked in that patch of sunlight, thanking each drop of saltwater coming out of my pores. the sun is a lovely thing to behold, i thought.

right after that thought, a raindrop fell from the heavens. the chill returned, but now it took more effort to breathe. seven followed, then tens, then dozens. and i was still fifteen minutes away from home. the wind was harsh, the storm relentless, i, drenched, stuck, in pain, and without an umbrella.

a jeep finally came. i half-ran, half-wobbled into the vehicle, found a quarter of a seat, nearly sat on an elderly woman beside the spot, squeezed my lean frame in, but i was falling. before all went black, i heard someone screaming.

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"gabo, gising! mamayang hapon pa klase mo diba? daanan mo ng pagkain si lola sa heart center, mamayang mga alas-onse."

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a few notes:

1. saw a replay of the ust-dlsu 2nd round match earlier. sharon yu (dlsu) wasn't wearing glasses, and i thought she looked horrible. diane querrer... duling yata siya?
2. i don't remember mentioning my younger sib taking the upcat. i'll be passing his admu application form tomorrow. (perhaps i'll see you, miles? and bring along the others too, if you please? teehee.)
3. state u was supposed to lose to uste today. supertyphoon egay didn't want that, but it wanted us to get our 9th loss against our friends in katipunan. not much of a difference, hmm?
4. honestly, i miss having classes. even if it means the destruction of my two eyes, a severe headache and tons of stress. but then, the government bogeymen say wait until 11 pm tonight. sheesh.