Pensées

Blaise Pascal

172. We do not rest satisfied with the present. We anticipate the future as too slow in coming, as if in order to hasten its course; or we recall the past, to stop its too rapid flight. So imprudent are we that we wander in the times which are not ours and do not think of the only one which belongs to us; and so idle are we that we dream of those times which are no more and thoughtlessly overlook that which alone exists. For the present is generally painful to us. We conceal it from our sight, because it troubles us; and, if it be delightful to us, we regret to see it pass away. We try to sustain it by the future and think of arranging matters which are not in our power, for a time which we have no certainty of reaching. Let each one examine his thoughts, and he will find them all occupied with the past and the future. We scarcely ever think of the present; and if we think of it, it is only to take light from it to arrange the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means; the future alone is our end. So we never live, but we hope to live; and, as we are always preparing to be happy, it is inevitable we should never be so.

tomorrow, tomorrow... tomorrow. that's today.

three days after that bummer of a math long exam. i can't believe i spent one sleepless night brushing on my partially complete notes and end up doodling careless mistakes all over. how pathetic.

I Am Me: My Declaration of Self-Esteem

Virginia Satir

...However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore I can engineer me. I am me, and I am okay.

i'm not cut for a love story, eh? so true. in fact, i'm not cut to be good at anything just yet. i'd better not think about these things before sleep and during exams from now on, i guess. just focus on becoming a better person which is closer to my ideal. hmmm.

if memories were snowflakes, i'd sure love to see some melt in my hand.

if memories were ding-dong, i won't eat them, but i won't share them either.

damn. i just can't forget how i extended that line to infinity. that blunder cost me at least three points and a whole lot of happiness. should've relied on my instincts. at least now i can start a new line, discontinuous at the point when i say goodbye to the past... again.

To The Virgins, Make Much Of Time

Dead Poets Society

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

Old time is still a flying

And this same flower that smiles today

Tomorrow will be dying...

carpe diem. first day of class, and this is his introductory greeting. seems like he's our ultimate frisbee instructor, an ex-philosophy professor who thinks he's michael scofield, and he has the tattoos to show for it. but then, scofield's not scofield because of carpe diem.

Song of Myself

Walt Whitman

You shall possess the good of the earth and sun - there are millions of suns left;

You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books;

You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me;

You shall listen to all sides, and filter them from yourself.

what does poetry reading have to do with ultimate?

Jean Piaget: The principal goal of education in the schools should be creating men and women who are capable of doing new things, not simply repeating what other generations have done; men and women who are creative, inventive and discoverers, who can be critical and verify, and not accept, everything they are offered... You have to make inventors, innovators, not conformists.

Township Rebellion

Rage Against the Machine

Fight the war, fuck the norm.

take all this from someone who chose the sport over two women and a healthy left leg, someone who apparently is almost uninterested in anything else. hmm... he's kind of cool though. poetry reading's kind of refreshing, too; putting things into perspective, i'd rather listen to his random rantings about heart injuries than stuff like...

...OK, this equation says that as x approaches a from the right, the function f(x) approaches infinity, therefore the limit of f(x) is equal to infinity. we also say that the graph of the function is asymptotic to the line x equals a... the limit of the slope of the secant line, as delta x gets closer and closer to zero, is equal to the slope of the tangent line at any given point (x,y)...

...which are absolutely more random than life philosophies. speaking of random, i just finished listening to this song right now.

tomorrow, tomorrow, i'll love you tomorrow...

i guess i'm just exhausted. unfortunately, a math 100 long exam and ultimate won't let me lie low yet... so help me God.(",)

goooood morning ladies and gentlemen! this is your once-in-a-blue-moon blogger-correspondent, gabriel de leon, reporting live! (echo: live! live!) from the upd psychology department building, more commonly known as the palma hall annex (phan).

today up diliman jumpstarted its summer semester registration for the academic year 2006-2007. however, this summer registration is most likely different from the previous years, with the introduction of a new technological breakthrough christened as the realtime enlistment, definitely a first in up history.

through the years, UP has earned the reputation being the University of the Pila (falling in line). virtually every person who went through the UP system can testify to this, especially those hours-long queue for that elusive PE class or that hard-to-get GE taught by one real hot professor. but recent advances in technology have brought this UP tradition into its first step down the plank and into oblivion, through the utilization of the computerized registration system (crs).

the crs gives the student a chance to reserve class slots for the incoming term, albeit randomly (which gives birth to an alternative expansion of crs: completely randomized system). though it did not completely eliminate the long and frustrating lines that unlucky students have to be in, for many it significantly reduced the number of times they have to be in those lines. it also marked a great improvement compared to our predecessor-students who had to bring sleeping bags in order to secure their semestral futures...

knowing that such is still unsatisfactory in the eyes of the UP student, the current CRS team developed this new program which aimed to further reduce the queues: realtime enlistment. it functions pretty much like the traditional manual enlistment: first come, first served, limited number of slots, hope-for-the-best or expect-the-worst, and all that jazz. however, one does not have to tire his or her feet in the process, but with the help of a computer terminal that has internet access, one can access the UP service online, hassle-free! so what are you waiting for, grab the opportunity while it lasts!

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"good news! nakaka-advance na sila sa enlistment page. pero so far, wala pa ring success story."

i was supposed to do the manual enlistment for the first time, when i learned about the implementation of this realtime system, which was supposed to make our lives as enrollees easier. it was a good idea, even excellent - making wise use of widespread technology for the benefit of everyone, namely, faculty and studentry. unfortunately, someone forgot one extremely critical fact:

University of the Philippines. enough said.

anyway, the very moment people started racing nip-and-tuck for the coveted class slots, the DILNET server overloaded, if not crashed.

"kuya, magpe-preenlist po."

"okay, here's your number. pero para lang alam nyo, mabagal ang server ngayon. you'll be... number 37, diba? si number 1, di pa nakakapasok."

i woke up early for this. the last time i arrived at UP by 8:30 am was 5, 6 months ago. still, i was numbered 18. six had already given up on waiting. i mean, who wouldn't, when every 20 minutes the RA would come out of the airconditioned computer lab and tell all those in line...

"wala pa ring success story."

that was obvious, telling from the number of terminals which had either minesweeper, paint, or solitare open. it was 11:00 when shrieks and applause told everyone that someone finally got through.

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one girl finished minesweeper - expert level three times; each time she beat her previous record. another doodled abstracts, letterings, and teddy bears. some guy resigned to pressing key F5 whenever "ERROR" shows as the homepage header. occasionally, some pages load relatively quick, then the network dies again. for those early birds who got in early, it became a cycle. at least until 12 noon, when half of the enlisters were then giving up, especially those who were coming from the philcoa area (which was reportedly swarming with UP kids).

meanwhile, a pseudo-fine arts major named jemuel rugay was able to produce some obra maestras (slightly edited by the MTRCB due to the presence of some obscenties)...

by this time, the server lag went down from thirty minutes to fifteen to five. i wanted one non-dance PE. the user beside me had two, both to her uninteresting. we struck a deal with each other: i'll find you a slot for camping or futsal, you give me ultimate frisbee.

this time, we both happened to be lucky. (nikka, thank you!!!!)

and it was smooth sailing from thereon. just took another hour at the form 5a checking area and a death march towards the payment booths, where executions were only held up to 4:30 pm. after the hot-headed cashier took my payment and her accomplices dealt the final blows, i found myself in the paradise called AS steps.

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math 100, m-t-w-th-f, 9.45-12.30, mb 301.

pe 2 uf (ultimate frisbee), m-w-f, 1.00 - 3.15, track oval 1.

1) if you happen to be my classmate in any of those courses, please inform me about it.

2) if you happen to have the prescribed book for math 100, pwede po pahiram?

3) classes start on monday. see you.(",)

the first phase of my vacation comes to an end... if i had one in the first place.

the holy week is supposedly a time slated for personal reflections. my holy week involved cleaning my room, organizing my files and stuff, clearing of trash and eliminating all kinds of viruses and spyware, all for the sake of restoring order in my world that is otherwise confined to a self-fulfilling prophecy of utter pandemonium.

registration for the summer semester starts tomorrow. since CRS forgot to give me a PE, i'll have to enlist for one manually, which could also be translated as "wake up early tomorrow," one thing i really suck at [note: early = 7-8 am].

then i'll have to rush back home to tutor my sibs. after administering diagnostics, i discovered that i'll have to start from scratch and learn my high school stuff all over, or else i take all the blame and agony and stiffneck, the last a bonus.

for the next two months, that's pretty much my life in a nutshell. sounds harsh and rough and even crazy, but i still find myself in a smiling mood sunup or sundown. how i wish i knew why...(",)

i forgot that i had a blog? geez.

what's worse is, after remembering that i do have one, i don't have anything in my mind right now - anything that's worth writing about, that is...

...besides my failing to get at least a subject for the summer semester...

...and my plan of making friendster testimonials for those whom i had made previous commitments with...

...and my having to tutor my 3rd year and 5th grade siblings for their college and high school entrance exams, respectively...

...and my mom's homecoming this week...

...and my having no money for the summer "break."

well, that sums it up for now. until something interesting happens for the next few weeks... see you. (",)