i don't want a lot for christmas, there is just one thing i need...

of all the songs that you would hear coming from a chapel, why this one? i muttered to myself, as a middle-aged woman dressed in red and green wailed along the night.

i don't care about the presents underneath the christmas tree...

never walk alone during the night. especially during this time of the year. i felt myself slightly shiver from head to toe as i crossed paths with hordes of people making their way toward the church.

i just want you for my own, more than you could ever know...

stop singing, gab! it will only make you feel worse, seriously.

make my wish come true...

ever got that funny feeling that comes once a year, that impressive urge to say those immortal words? yeah, even for a fleeting moment?

all i want for christmas is you.

i... i - i like you.

CUT! okay, relax - take a deep breath - exhale - do that again - close your eyes - breathe deeper - exhale - open your eyes. relax! - behave normally. good. now keep walking.

*having a quiet christmas? beware, seasonal depression looks for victims like you! but don't worry, we can offer you some advice for a minimum of 50 pesos. for more details, call 8-STRESS (8-787377) right away!*

whew. happy holidays. a few notes:

1. from 29-12-06 to 1-1-07 yours truly will be at the summer capital of the world, baguio city.
2. for UP Diliman students, regular classes resume 3-1-07, wednesday. don't forget your komework, kids.
3. next up: 2006: the year that was, in summary. and while i'm up to it, sing auld lang syne for me.

very well... so long. farewell. i have to say... thank you. goodbye. sayonara. adios. adieu. au revoir. arrivederci. auf wiedersehen. salamat. paalam. hanggang sa muli. (",)

christmas fever is on. i can't really feel it, but i have had mild fever and breathing difficulties since tuesday. as of presstime the writer is still under medication and will be so for the next two weeks. my instincts told me that i was sick because i was not yet used to dawdle idly at home for four straight days. guess what? my intuition skills were strikingly remarkable, for a few hours at least.

thursday i discovered that i had less difficulty breathing while riding a jeepney along the heavily smoke- and vehicle-congested tandang sora avenue. and i felt even better as i walked a few kilometers from commonwealth highway to my friend maikka's village where a christmas party will be held.

i arrived at the village clubhouse one thirty-sharp, which was the designated time for the affair. however, i arrived there to a sight of balloons, balloons, and a few more balloons - but no people. i thought "are these preparations for us?" and found the answer moments later, as some adults arranged some chairs for some night party.

a few minutes later anna cee and hazel arrived. finding nothing but me and empty space, we resolved to go to maikka's house before returning to the clubhouse when there were more people. there we stayed until... 2 pm when ronald, jamie, gelynne and daryl, and nice arrived. back at the clubhouse (diba 1:30 yung party? anong oras na nun, 2:30?) we waited again. kathy and inah and domeng arrived, and decided that we order pizza and wait for some others until quarter-to-three. miles came. and then gerald. and then we started. then the pizza arrived. and followed the softdrinks. then came a few others (krizia, kacie, dina, abi, julia) and then we talked. then i felt that i wanted to leave, and leave them i did.

ohh. i'm awfully sorry. that was plain boring. actually domeng prepared a "programme" in the form of a game. he called it "the 5 P's of life." the P's stand for pamilya, pag-aaral, pag-ibig, paggawa, and pangarap. the mechanics of the game go like this: each person would say something in-detail about the 5 categories mentioned above. then the next one does the same, until everyone had spoken.

since i rushed my speech last thursday, i'll make up for it here, categorizing it into two: 1) what i did say, and 2) what i forgot to say.

pamilya (family). what i did say: my mom celebrated her birthday, and that was why i had to leave early. my parents have plans of taking the whole family to canada and/or sending me to my scholarship in italy. what i forgot to say: our family will be spending the holidays in three different places: our home, my grandparents' home, and baguio.

pag-aaral (academics). what i did say: i thought that so far, i was doing good, compared to my high school days. someone mentioned my current US status. what i forgot to say: i do my homework nowadays, and i don't arrive late for class. heh.

pag-ibig (lovelife). what i did say: contrary to popular notions that i currently have many love interests, actually i have none due to time constraints. what i forgot to say: having a crush is way too different from having a lovelife of sorts. ha!

paggawa (business). what i did say: nothing was keeping me busy. all i did was plump myself up. what i forgot to say: nothing. you guys already know what i do to keep myself from slitting my throat out of boredom.

pangarap (dreams). what i did say: it depends on how the next two years fall out. but hopefully i become a doctor. what i forgot to say: i have strange dreams. just last night i dreamt that i was walking along a red carpet towards an altar, with people watching from both sides of the path and cameras flashing from every direction. back in elementary i dreamt of becoming the next rookie prodigy of ateneo basketball. you see, what i did say was quite enough, or else i would have been real late for my mom's birthday bash.

but then i had to go. worse thing is, i forgot to take pictures. oh well.

moving on. from north susana executive village i had to go back home, fetch my siblings and proceed to sm north, then wait for my parents to fetch us by 7 in the evening and proceed to super bowl, which practically sums up my thursday.

[the next day...]

wheeee. quezon city science high school batch 2006's yearbook was released today. never mind that i felt dead sick. or that my feet and legs experienced slight cramps because of the generous jeepney passengers who gave me an eighth of a seat through 30 minutes of travel (someday i'll write a piece about them jeepneys). i paid 1200 bucks for that. period.

what did i get? hmmm... let's see. colorful hardbound cover. half a page, scrapbook style. one- to two-word phrase descriptions, followed by a three-paragraph text. one wacky picture, one formal. 261 students. faculty members. some literary pieces, congratulatory speeches, pictures of all kinds, caricatures, typographical errors. ads for sponsors. greyscale. not bad. but it could have been better, i guess. unless i think about it. and read again. and try to remember. and laugh. and then think again.

anyway, after that i had to go buy some groceries, where some is equal to three bags full of stuff. i got home alive. not bad for some sick and tired being. *gasps for air* i'm taking a rest now.

happy holidays. (",)

three cheers to the holidays! today is the official start of the University's two-week layoff, just in time for the yuletide season. recently i was informed that our family will be staying at my grandparents' place for the 24th and 25th of december, so my next update will either be on the 22nd or the 26th.

how depressing.

anyway. last thursday our chem 16 lab professor made us take our first and last exam for the 2nd semester, year 2006, in the form of a 6-item, 70 point problem set. beforehand we tried pleading to him to save it for next year, and even sang him a christmas carol, but the guy plainly refused. so much for maintaining my US status.

friday was a chaotic day of sorts; first there was the oblation run, followed by the controversial board of regents meeting about the tuition and other fee increase for the next academic year, and capped by the annual lantern parade.

to sum things up:

i was not able to witness the "ritual run of the brave" - heck, who would be able to? when you just came from your cancelled 11:30 class, only to find a humungous crowd standing between you and the runners' path, where humungous is approximately 100 people per square meter, covering the whole AS steps, the road directly in front of it, AS lobby, AS walk, AS building; and with all those red-shirted activists directing the path up at front, at the same time getting automatic front-seat tickets to the "show." but so much for that; i realized after their "procession" that the event is not really that special for UP student - protests like that would come and go.

the lantern parade was actually cancelled by the UP administration because of ghost "security threats" that would allegedly come with it. i could keep on ranting about my speculations about why they decided upon that (i.e. the University, lantern parade or nil, is always open to security threats, knowing that anyone can enter it) - however the UP community proceeded with the annual tradition, regardless of the admin's decision, led by the UP college of fine arts. funny thing is, i was forced to go participate in the parade because 1) i was with jemuel and ronnie and raphael, the latter two both taking up FA 28 courses, 2) i had nothing else to do. so off we went, walking past half the academic oval, ronnie carrying his sprite-bottle-made-jackstone, rap and jem and me donning strange headgear and taking turns with ronnie in carrying his jackstone. after spotting our batchmates in the crowd we broke away from the entourage. hopefully i can follow up this post with some pictures.

exhausted from the long walk, we cooled off at the sunken garden (where seemingly there were more outsiders than UP students) starting 5 pm until about 7 in the evening. during that time gap i witnessed the largest diliman commune rally since i entered the University. students who had been "barricading" in quezon hall, trying to prevent the board of regents from approving the controversial fee increase proposal, marched to malcolm hall after being informed that the meeting was actually moved there and that the proposal had been unanimously approved by the 7 regents who were present. from thereon the protesters gained in number, to a point that they almost stopped the flow of traffic because they occupied about a quarter of the oval. there were even groups from UP los baños trodding along.

with this in mind, i borrow rap fulgar's remark, while we were still at the parade - "bakit pag sa batch natin laging pumapangit yung admin ng school?" which mirrored my father's sentiments quite well. hmmmm.

after all these events, we (jason, ronnie, ronald, mg, jem) walked through the dark UP lagoon on our way to commonwealth highway. near the alumni center we met a good-hearted jeepney driver who offered us a ride on his PXW.384 to the jeepney stops, sparing us from the dangers of walking in the dark. as we said our thanks and went down, ronnie took note of the plate number, and on this site i remember the good old chap through it.

ho-ho-ho. forgive me for being so plain this time around. i'm off to finish my homework early in the season. happy holidays!

[and by the way, all i want for christmas is you. wala lang. asa pa kasi eh. wheeee! (",)]

forgive me for that weekend lapse. it is the homestretch of the pre-yuletide holiday semester, after all. and it does not sound like good news at all - some hardworking professors are pushing us to the limits, and you ought to be lucky if you are not part of their classes, unlike me.

anyway. last week a friend commented on my entries. he said something like "ayusin mo nga yung mga post mo. nakakainis eh." and he followed that up with "gusto kong makita yung mga adventures mo sa UP." i pondered on that, and realized that he had a good point, and i could have done something about it - the thing is, i have not found anything exciting about the second semester yet, unless i suddenly feel the need to teach psychology 101 here, which won't happen. good thing for him, though - come friday, two of the most awaited events will take place in the University - the controversial Oblation Run and the annual Lantern Parade. i recommend that you attend to both events: the naked guys will run 12 noon, the lantern show will start 4 in the afternoon, both on friday. so maybe until then, the reader will have to deal with my clumsy writings.

and then there was last week's post. a day after publication, a note on my tagboard showed up, saying "Ok din 'tong si God, no? Kenkoy rin pala. Hehe. Nagtatagalog pa." now i was guessing some of the readers might be thinking blasphemy or otherwise. i did not mean to cross anyone's beliefs, or to imply that i am really able to talk to God as written there. what i am stressing here is who i think God is - the Sovereign One Who is Who or What He needs to be. i think of Him as a dynamic God, able to stoop down to the level of and fully understand a humble human being, and be the Supreme Eternal simultaneously. no one can define God or put Him in a box and describe His nature. and that is why He can speak English, French, German, Tagalog, Taglish, what-have-you. and frankly i will not brand that as "Kenkoy." just my two cents worth.

now, back to business (again, for lack of a better term). last monday my sister flew off to san francisco, california, to teach kids at a private school. it will be sad not to have her during the holidays, but worse(?) is come next year my mom will be following suit, heading to somewhere in canada to help establish a business there, and possibly to prepare for moving the whole family together with her in the unforseeable future. yep, that means either 1) everyone leaves, i study either in canada or i accept the full scholarship offer in italy, 2) i remain here and finish my pre-medical studies in the University, with the family leaving me a modest home, a car that i do not know how to drive yet, and two dogs, or 3) i accept the italy offer, my brothers and father remain here, and my mother stays in canada indefinitely. most probably the second option will push through; but whatever the case, the house's resident loner will feel lonelier. sheesh.

so please, do not wonder if someday i drop dead along the corridors of palma hall. of course i'm kidding, but it makes me feel kind of stressed, bored, silent, and perhaps depressed all in one go.

*change of mood in three, two, one!*

all right then. a few not-so-notable notes:

i just recovered my last year's christmas wishlist, thinking of something to even crave for for the holidays... all in vain. you rich kids ought to be happy.

a week before my sis' left for the states, she gave me a parting gift: her old samsung sgh-e600. this greatly contributed to the demise of my wishlist plans.

recently i found out that i qualified as a University Scholar for the past semester, which 1) was a good thing, of course and 2) made me feel scared of my parents, thinking of what mental torture they would make me go through after this nerve-wracking semester. [by the way, thanks to majik for that inspiring note. naks. (",)]

a few days after my first signifcant post, our siberian husky ran away early in the morning. i was not emotionally attached to the dog just yet, but my mom and baby brother were. and all i was able to say to them was "babalik yun." why? because the village we resided in was small, the guards in the exit posts did not sight any dog crossing the village borders, the dog was sighted within the village a few hours before we woke up that day, and our other dog (an askal) also ran away from us before, and returned after a month. so i was confident that the husky would return. and come back home he did, just today.

the natural reaction from me would have been "sabi ko sa inyo eh!" which was actually the truth. however, after five or so weeks of learning psychology 101, my response varied quite a bit: "galing ng hindsight ko no!" of course some of you might have heard of the term "hindsight bias" a.k.a. the "i-knew-it-all-along" notion, wherein we aptly exaggerate our predicting powers after we know the facts. nevertheless, do not feel guilty - such behavior was the result of human mental development (some call it evolution) through the centuries and millenia.

heh. sorry for that. just happened to love psychology so much. and for that, i'll stop here and now.

dear Lord...

am i thinking too much? or am i really -
not thinking at all? no. you're pushing yourself too much, gab.
oh my, so You were listening after all.
of course, I always do. now it's your turn to listen.
fire away.
give yourself some slack. you arrive home just in time for dinner, then read till the wee hours of the next day. sayang yung tinataba mo.
wow. so totoo pala, tumaba ako! and i thought i was looking sickly.
no, you're not - perhaps you are thinking too much. pero di naman kailangang ganun eh.
hmm.. pero nag-aaral naman po ako ah. i do have the right intentions, i guess?
you know the answer to that. and you do that at the expense of your parents' instructions.
but i'm performing poorly at class. and, uh, actually, nagbabasa ako para makatulog-
just believe what they say. tama sila, and I know better. everything else will pay off.
of course you do. salamat po. i'm off to sleep.

sure, but before that, a few things. first, you should watch-
happy feet! waaah. para po kasing wala akong panahon eh.
naku, tingin mo lang yun. tama dad mo eh, aral ka na lang ng aral. get a life, and find time for yourself.
siguro nga po. hay. i'll try my best.
good. second, fix yourself! wear your retainers. get a haircut!
does my hair look that awful?
no, but you're better off with short hair.
and you'll tell me that these retainers cost high. but then it will help.
ang galing mo talaga. haha.
er... anything else?

umm... yeah. one last thing. you'll fall in love.
You're joking.
no, no I'm not - and you know that. I won't be surprised if you already are - I mean, I know everything, that's it.
but -
but what? still conscious of your past? still think that you're ugly when you're not in front of that oval mirror? still not sure, still waiting for the right time?
no way! -
there's no use lying. I'm going to forgive you this time. but then, why react like that? Ii did not tell you that you are already in love.
ohh... now that you mention it... pinag-iisipan ko pa eh.
you are dead scared of the future. and you're thinking that either you stop this now or go on with it for the rest of your miserable life.
hey. those are my lines. sheesh.
gab, exercise your free will. I'm not stopping you from going your way. and I am certainly not telling you anything that you don't know.

and of course You're right. i wonder why i stopped talking to You.
never mind that. anyway, if you think you're lucky enough, go for it. good things might follow - I can't tell you, you have to find out.
they just might. pero pag-iisipan ko talaga. kaso nga lang... baka too late na.
it never is. you know what, I feel like singing this song - all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go-
shut u- oh. forgive me please.
right. i got your point. gives you a feeling of deja vu, eh?
opo. but in a different sense. kanta ko yan 6 months ago eh.
hehe. matulog ka na nga.
sure thing. good night. and thank You.
I'm always listening.

Amen.

wow. the blogger deities are showering blessings upon me. just when i was ready to hibernate again, typhoon reming comes around the corner. and so i had four days to think about my next column (syet, ang feeling ko! wooh!).

the downside is, i had nothing on my agenda during those past days. so, yes, i had the time - but nothing else. therefore, do not expect anything special for this weekend's edition.

again, another note:

1. haloscan comment and tracking system has been installed in this site, so if ever your insights will not fit the whole tagboard, you can say them here. the link will be found at the bottom of each entry.

me, the academe six of ten. one of ten. one of three. these were my quiz and recitation scores two weeks underway the second semseter. perhaps i'm pressuring myself too much; this is another chapter, and its demands are three notches higher than the first time around - but it just can't be helped - long before i've already realized that i was born to learn. and making mistakes is the most integral part of learning, i suppose. so i'll get used to it in no time... hopefully. so far i'm making progress - i finished my homework during the second of the four "vacation" days.

reming

boredom heh. so i'm supposed to rejoice over the four-day weekend. not that i complained or anything, but a few things made me wonder if it was really worth the time:

1. can't help but feel for those guys down southern luzon (bicol region, marinduque, etc.) who were hit directly by the typhoon because they were in the way, 'twas not their fault that they were living there.
2. besides, there was the prospect of an island-wide electricity shut-off. right, no pldt mydsl, no signal reception for cellphones, no light bulbs. [but then, i had no credits, anyway.]
3. by this time i was feeling a bit under the weather, thus i was restricted to indoor activities. booh-ring.

the dreamer [enters a trance in 3, 2, 1:]

"if typhoon reming would directly hit manila, i wish that i would be on the roof of our house and that the wind would carry our roof away with me still on it."

these were my last words before globe deceptively took the life out of my cellphone. the next time i register to unlimitxt, i will say:

"but unfortunately, reming veered off southward to marinduque by friday morning. along with it went my crazy thoughts of being an aladdin together with my dream jasmine atop the magical roof. how pitiful."

[yikee, sino kaya si jasmine. haha... joke! don't take this seriously.]

[wakes up in 3, 2, 1] heh, whatever. at least reming's gone, there was no brownout, and that quite stalls the death toll.

the physically incomplete *sneeze.* one dog can be a nuisance for an asthmatic. two dogs can be a living nightmare. furthermore, my hair's started to grow awkwardly. and my weight's down three pounds. and we know that the whole of quezon city is clouded by smoke. on top of that, my eyebags are still there.

oh my. and i'm feeling paranoid.

yuletide?

chestnuts roasting on an open fire... jack frost nipping at your nose...

two and twenty days to go. time flies so fast, i'm not quite feeling the christmas spirit yet - not that i was ignorant of the burning lights in our neighborhood.

but then, i feel so... normal. after all, christmas is still just another day. maybe that's why i haven't thought of my "for santa" wishlist yet. or why i'm not saving money for gifts. heck, there's no single special note in my imaginary calendar. i guess i'll just give out lantern parade postcards to some of you guys come season's greetings.

see, i told you! nothing special. next wednesday, it will be all school life. or maybe something like that. everything is interrelated, you see. that's it for now, then. (",)